since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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