My nipple is on Facebook.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
