Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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