Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
