Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
