she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
