he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dicks are not precious.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
