omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Your cock deserves a montage
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need water and some morals
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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