I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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