wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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