You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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