My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
