so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
