oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
