there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize