i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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