Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
