Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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