He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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