Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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