I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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