Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
40s are totally the cure
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
