my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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