Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
