Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize