I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just pee around me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
