How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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