So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Acid is not a monday night drug
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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