You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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