so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
