I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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