Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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