turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
