Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
