Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
