Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
