GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Acid is not a monday night drug
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
