please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
