I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
