i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
