omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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