As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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