why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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