Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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