He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
