How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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