hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
