How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
