ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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