you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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