JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
