At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
