I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
