Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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