Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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