Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
