We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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