i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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