It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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