my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
