She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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