somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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