went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
