So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
