I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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