did you get engaged???
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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