I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
