It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
